I Wouldn't Be Able To Tell You
by DarkHeart89
Summary: "I just - I don't.. I wouldn't be able to tell you.. " He stuck his hand in his pockets and shrugged. "I don't have a lot of - tell-able reasons for why I do things. Like this, for instance." And without another word, he leant forward and claimed her lips. / A significant amount of references come from "Unhappy Anniversary". Jikki one-shot.


I Wouldn't Be Able To Tell You

Summary: "I just - I don't.. I wouldn't be able to tell you.. "

Jonesy didn't buy that, she could tell just by the look on his face. "That's okay."

"Really?" She asked in disbelief.

He stuck his hand in his pockets and shrugged. "I don't have a lot of - tell-able reasons for why I do things. Like this, for instance." And without another word, he leant forward and claimed her lips.

Rating: T

Pairing: Jikki [Nikki and Jonesy]

AN: This has been in the works for a week or two, I wouldn't be able to remember when I exactly started this. I started it because I couldn't rely on the other two fandoms I'm usually in and because everywhere else was really a bust.

Today, as of now, it's been three days since things have really hit rock bottom for me. Technically four considering it's past midnight. Let's just say it's been hell, it really has. Missing someone sucks the life out of you, it does and I feel it often now.

But Jikki has restored my optimism in humanity /slightly/, so this is where this came from. It's bittersweet and I really enjoyed typing it, for the most part.

Incase you didn't know, the breast bowl came from "Unhappy Anniversary". Just clarifying due to the fact it plays a huge role in this one-shot. There's a lot of references from the episode in this, actually.

Enjoy.

[OoOoOoO] 

"Are you closing the cash tonight, Nikki?" Kristen called from across the store, finishing up some work on a sweater display. Thanks to Nikki, one of the three Clones were always stuck having to refold. It was irritating, but since Nikki had gotten back from her break, she'd been far too glum to annoy.

Kirsten and Kristen had already tried a few snips, but they'd gone over her head and not long after, Nikki had vacated to her handicapped changing room for a good half an hour. For once - bothering her just didn't seem like the best idea, even if usually it /never/ was the best idea.

"Yeah, I'll take care of it." She replied, pulling her phone out to shoot a text to Jude to meet her here. She needed something from him. Tucking her phone away, she retired to the center of the store and popped open the cashier, rifling through bills and coining the change.

Jude expediently got back to her, actually, and met her a few minutes later, just before Khaki closing. He sluggishly walked in, backpack slung over his shoulder, skateboard tucked under her arm. Despite how odd it was to be summoned by her, he had complied without question. "What's up? What ya need me for?"

She looked up from the register and shut the drawer. Nikki had been trying to prepare herself for how to ask Jude without making it sound - fishy, but it was difficult, because she'd been the one to leave it in the first place. In the back of her mind, she'd figured it would have just been a cursed token to remind her of this dreadful day, but the more she'd thought about it - she really wanted it.

"Um.. Do you still have that breast bowl? The one Jonesy made?" Nikki asked timidly, her fingers twiddling along the counter nervously.

He nodded, shrugging off his backpack and bringing it to his chest, unzipping the largest compartment and producing the bowl. "Yeah, everyone left it at the table and I thought I'd take it. Why? You want it, bra?" He questioned, clasping both hands over it and leaning towards her curiously.

Her lips quirked upwards sheepishly, before dropping to a very stoic expression. "No! Well.. I mean yes, - maybe! I just - " Jude had known her since they were four; he was pretty sure he knew what she was trying to say.

He smiled and set the bowl down on the counter. "Don't sweat it, bra. This'll be just between you and me, m'kay?" He dropped his skateboard to the ground and pumped off and out of the store, letting her be thankful for small mercies.

He was really a good friend, Nikki thought with an inward smile. She picked up the bowl and brought it closer to her face, analyzing its contours. As /much/ as it resembled a breast [go figure with Jonesy being the creator, after all], it still had been a really thoughtful gift. Who knew Jonesy had a hand for pottery?

It was something better than a hand-held video game, or really any present she'd ever gotten. It was homemade, /very/ unique, and just - Jonesy.

"Isn't that a breast?" Chrissy asked with a raised eyebrow, pointing at the bowl while she slipped on her coat. Nikki's eyes snapped up from the bowl and glared at the blonde.

"No! It's a breast /bowl/." She corrected rather protectively, causing the older girl to take a step back.

"Okay then.. " The blonde retorted, a bit standoff-ishly. But she soon forgot the outburst and set to rounding up the remaining Clones. "Kristen! Kirsten! Come on, girls!"

By the time the set of them were out of the store, Nikki had long stowed away the breast bowl in her backpack for safe keeping, wrapping her sweatshirt around it. She didn't want to see /any/ harm come to the bowl.

The Khaki cash? /That/ she wasn't as insistent on. Who cares? The conformist empire had /enough/ money.

[OoOoOoO]

As the months pasted since Jonesy and Nikki's official breakup, Nikki had dabbled with different ways to stow or put out the breast bowl she'd received. After a few weeks, she'd decided to set it out in her room and use as a candy dish. She occasionally liked the odd mint cream or sour burst, so it had come in handy. Storing her piercings in it while she slept seemed too - mundane of a use. This way, whenever she craved a candy, sweet or sour, she was led back to the bowl that stemmed from a sweet, and sometimes sour, relationship.

In fact, one day she had Stone over and since he was a newcomer, he hadn't known what the bowl was at all. At least when Jen, Caitlin or Wyatt had been over - they'd thought not to ask why she still had the bowl, because Jude had either filled them in already [he was a terrible secret keeper] and/or they already knew her reason.

She just - couldn't help keeping it. If she told herself she was over Jonesy completely, she'd be lying. As far as she knew, no one needed to know.

He stole a sour burst from the bowl after uncapping it fully and popped it in his mouth, leaning down to eye the item on her dresser. "What kind of a shape is this thing supposed to be, exactly?" Cautiously, he tapped it, raising a questionable eyebrow.

She'd just been searching for her new Mighty Weasels CD to show him, but clearly, as was the way to any man's heart, he'd gone for the only bit of food she had in her room. She rolled her eyes at the thought and turned around. "What are you talking ab - " But as soon as her eyes landed on the bowl, a feeling twisted in her stomach.

Whenever she looked at it - or thought about it, she felt it. It'd become so normal to see it sitting there on her dresser, but the times when she /did/ notice it and recognize what it meant sitting there - it hit her a little harder than it ever had.

"Oh, that. It was just a gift." She answered dismissively, crouching down to fan through her row of CD's. Stone glanced back at her, before setting the top back on half way and walked over to her, taking a seat on her bed and looking down at her as she surfed through her moderate sized CD collection.

He could tell just by her tone that it was something of /some/ importance, otherwise she wouldn't have been so quick to brush it off like she had. "A gift from who? /And/ you didn't answer my question regarding the shape." He grinned.

Her fingers hovered over the next CD, chewing at her bottom lip as she thought furiously for an proper response. What was she supposed to say? It was a gift from her best friend turned boyfriend turned ex turned best friend /again/? She was almost certain that the word 'ex' was bitter to /any/ new boyfriend or girlfriend's ears.

"Just from a friend of mine a few months ago. He's not the most - naturally creative person, so he basically sculpted a piece of female anatomy with clay. Go figure." She rolled her eyes, but on the inward, it was still a fond memory and she nearly smiled.

"And by 'female anatomy', I assume you mean breast?" He now realized where he'd recognized the shape.

Giving up on locating the CD, she raised from her crouched position and sank into a seat on her bed beside him. "Pretty much." She snorted. "Though I'd be a lot more concerned if it was a feature /below/ the waist."

"I'll say." Stone agreed and looked back at the bowl and then to Nikki once more. "Seems a bit intimate of a gift, to me." He remarked absently, still curious about the whole thing.

At this point, Nikki's mind was absolutely racing to find some way to get out of /actually/ admitting to her three month long relationship with Jonesy. It wasn't something she talked to her friends about anymore, let alone her /current/ boyfriend. It just was a no-go.

She slugged his shoulder in a playful nature. "What? You're not /jealous/ of me being the one to receive ceramic anatomy and not you, right? Because I'm sure one day, you'll find a real gifted artist to sculpt some male body part for you to cherish." She said with a snort.

He rubbed at his shoulder with a smirk. "Oh yes, I'm dying of anticipation. How lucky you are to have received something /so/ grand. Oh whatever will I do with myself?" He asked, leaning closer, his nose practically brushing hers.

Her brown eyes eyed his hazel ones with a renewed interest. "I could think of a few ideas - off the top of my head."

"For instance?" He prodded, raising a hand to set itself on the side of her face. "Give me an idea." He baited.

"Crocheting?"

"Try again."

"Hockey?"

"Nikki."

"You /did/ ask for an idea." She smirked and pressed her lips to his, silencing his protests. But even as she kissed him, as good of a kisser as he was, she couldn't help but think in the back of her mind - he really /was/ no Jonesy, and that didn't sit well with her.

[OoOoOoO]

"I hate finals, I hate finals, I /hate/ finals." Jonesy whined into the pillow on her bed, burying his face within the fabric, even if it didn't muffle the mantra in the slightest. Per usual, he'd roped her in to helping him study. But this was a whole new ball game of studying - this was /finals/, not even mid-terms. His attention span was all the more easily swayed.

"You and the rest of the student population." She remarked with a roll of her eyes, closing her book and setting it aside. To be /semi/ comforting, she did scoot over and stroke his head a few times. He got a lot more stressed over finals than the average person, if you took the outlier of Jen out of the equation, at least.

He had his high points and low points like everyone else - but his low points far outweighed his high points in academics. That's why he always enlisted in the help of Nikki, because she aced everything. She was so smart - she could be one of those Jeopardy contestants.

Not like the rest of his friends were geniuses. Caitlin would consider herself a 'color coordinating' genius. Jude was a genius of /weird/ things/. Wyatt was a musical genius. And Jen? Well, she was kind of all over the place.

He was a genius with women - sort of. But he made up for the rest in his confidence, even if he wasn't feeling so hot right now.

"Come on, Jonesy, you'll be /fine/. You always are. All we need to do is finish up with some Calculus, then we can head to - "

His blue-haired head popped up from the pillow, rolling into a sitting up position. "I require sustenance!" He blurted to get out of this torture, leaping off her bed. "You got anything edible in here or is it just a bunch of Dawgtoy memorabilia in that closet of yours?" He teased.

She chucked a pillow at his head in good nature. "Shut up! Trying to rifle through some more lady garments by looking through my closet, you perv?" He merely grinned, purring suggestively in reply. But she did get up, glancing around. "Ugh, I don't have a lot of /food/ in my room, but dinner should be ready soon." Her eyes zeroed in on her candy bowl. "Oh wait, I do have some mint creams on my dresser.. " But her lapse in judgement had now led him directly to the breast bowl she typically tried to hide from his eyes, at least for all this time it had gone unnoticed. Of course she had to slip up - and idiotically lead him right to where she didn't want him. He hadn't known she'd kept it.

"Which dresser?" Jonesy questioned, eyes targeting her other one across the room, thankfully giving her enough time to dart over and grab the bowl, clasping it in her hands behind her back.

"Oh, whoops, I forgot I was out, sorry." She quickly covered up, trying to think of a place to quickly stash it before his attention moved. But then it did and he glanced over at her, his face soon twisting up into a confused one.

He pointed at her questionably. "Why're you standing like that?"

"Standing like what?"

"Like /that/." And to prove his point, his mimicked her stance. His eyes lit up with glee when he made a realization. "Nikki! Are you trying to hide your candy from me?! That's not cool!" He raced over like a child, his arms swooping around her back to try and grab what she had in her hands. "Hand it over!"

"Jonesy, no, really, there's nothing - "

"I'm pretty sure there is!"

As they both furiously fought to get what they want, Jonesy ended up winning in the end when he swept a few fingers along her side to tickle her, managing to grab the bowl right out of her hands after all. "Jonesy, no!"

But it was too late, he'd already backed a few feet away and now had the bowl in his hands. He would have went straight for the mint creams inside, though his eyes were far too caught up in /what/ the mint creams were kept in.

It was his breast bowl - the one he'd thought Jude had taken, the one he'd given to Nikki on their not-so-happy, three month anniversary a few months ago. And she still had it. "Whoa." Was all he said, because he hadn't expected her to keep it. He hadn't expected her to still acknowledge their past relationship.

"You still have this, huh?" He said absently, stroking his finger over the smooth ceramic. He was in shock to say the least. What was this supposed to mean? And if it was just a meaningless hunk of junk, why would she have been so determined to keep it from him? What was she hiding?

"Yes.. " She answered slowly, tucking her arms behind her and leaning on her dresser.

"Why?" He asked, as he located a singular mint cream and unwrapped it, popping it in his mouth. "Mm, good." He sighed.

Nikki exhaled as she thought for an answer to that. What was she supposed to tell him? I'm still into you? I miss you? I miss what we had? What they'd been had never really faded away - it'd been forced to fade away. They'd still flirted and messed around and hung out like old times - except there was a lot more chemistry, this time. An almost forbidden chemistry, because she wasn't supposed to feel this way after calling it off.

But she soon tried to side-step his question. "Jonesy, we still have to go over English and a few other things, now really isn't the time for - "

"Why, Nikki?" Something about the way he asked was so raw and vulnerable, it was so rare to see him like this. It was refreshing that he could let down the arrogant facade every once in a while. But maintaining the distance wasn't good enough for him and he drew closer to her, standing right in front of her. Jonesy was standing so close, Nikki could feel his breath on her face - minty and refreshing.

He set the bowl right back where it'd been, now meeting her eyes. "I know it wasn't because you liked it - if you're not a guy, a breast bowl isn't exactly something to admire."

She nearly snorted at the comedy, but didn't. Instead, she leant back and eyed him carefully. "I just - I don't.. I wouldn't be able to tell you.. "

Jonesy didn't buy that, she could tell just by the look on his face. "That's okay."

"Really?" She asked in disbelief.

He stuck his hand in his pockets and shrugged. "I don't have a lot of - tell-able reasons for why I do things. Like this, for instance." And without another word, he leant forward and claimed her lips.

As soon as the contact began, Nikki immediately felt like mush, only mildly being able to kiss him back. She wouldn't even know where to begin in how to say how much she'd missed kissing him. Because she had - so much. And it wasn't just the kissing, it was everything else, too. Every time he'd hooked up with some new girl, she'd felt this undeniable jealousy. Their four friends knew that the feelings weren't dead - of course not. Why would they be?

That was the worst part of ending on good terms - ending with the promise of a possible future. The feelings never really died.

Finally, she mustered up the courage to grasp his stupid head and kiss him back, /really/ kiss him back. Jonesy was pleasantly surprised when he caught her responding and inwardly celebrated, despite how into it he was getting now. There was such a height difference between the two, that his back was straining to lean down and maintain it. Usually he would mind, but right now, he didn't mind at all.

But she decided to move it from her being pressed against her dresser, to leading him over to her bed and shoving him down into a sitting position. Call her caught up in the moment, but she crawled into his lap and reclaimed his lips. She had no idea where this was coming from - Jonesy definitely even didn't know where this was coming from, but he didn't mind.

It'd been months since she'd been able to touch him like this - she just needed to absorb a little more and then detach.

This is something he couldn't get from another girl, this is something he couldn't /feel/ from another girl. He threw himself into the dating pool not long after parting ways with Nikki, but he'd never once lost feelings for her. He tried to convince himself and tried to convince others, but it hadn't worked. At least with his friends and him.

He was just so unlike other girls - and it was just so hot. Not to mention she was gorgeous, she really was. She wasn't just hot or sexy, she was /beautiful/. She was just - something else.

He wound his arms around her petite body and rolled them over so she was beneath him, his body hovering over hers. The longer the spontaneous make-out session continued, the more invested the both of them became. The kisses were heavier and more passionate, his lips even detaching briefly to pay attention to her neck. He couldn't get enough of Nikki right now - /his/ Nikki.

He didn't care who had her or who once had her or whatever - she was still his in his eyes. Still everything he wanted and desired and needed. She still drove him crazy enough.

"Nikki! Jonesy! Dinner's ready!" Naturally, as content noises had begun to arise from /her/ lips, they had to be interrupted. Jonesy wasn't as compliant and continued, making her giggle in a heinous way she despised.

"Jonesy! Come on." She forced his head back with her hands, pulling him by his collar so his face was level with hers. He didn't even bother to crane his neck upwards to maintain a distance, he just let his forehead rest against her, brown meeting brown. "Weren't you hungry before? We should probably go get some dinner."

Nikki had to intercede with some kind of convincing - otherwise she /knew/ she'd kiss him all night. By no means did this mean reconciling, even if her heart desired it despite her subconscious screaming NO. But they needed to study and eat.. and be friends.

His eyes roamed across her face, pressed a lingering kiss to her lips before getting off of her, taking a seat on his bed. He had to let his head just - try and process what just happened.. what this could mean for them.

Pursing her lips, she sat herself now that his body was off of hers and sat on the side of her bed perpendicular to his, her mind whirling in a similar way. This just - meant a lot. It did - to both of them.

He ran his hand over his face, exiting through his hair. "Nikki?"

She swallowed and glanced his way. "Yeah?"

"I still have that picture of us - together. That one at the game?" He didn't have to elaborate too deeply; she knew what he was talking about.

Nikki's face curved into a small smile at the memory. Cailtin had aw'ed like a fangirl and had taken it when the Leafs had scored, causing Jonesy to go into a round of celebratory hysterics. He'd grabbed her and kissed her manically, leaving her quite stunned. But it'd been their first kiss since the fake-y around Lydia, in front of the game, and Caitlin had been insistent to capture it quick with her phone.

Jonesy had specifically asked for a copy - he had a lot of pictures of them. Most of them were stashed away in random places, just so he didn't have to look at what the three months was - but that was besides the point. He'd kept that one up for whatever reason.

But then she asked the obvious. "Why?" Why would he keep a picture of them? She hadn't expected him to remember them fondly, not when she'd been the one to breakup with /him/. Or for the fact he'd thrown himself at girls the same way he'd always had. Never once had Nikki ever expected to be - that - special.

Jonesy smiled to himself, sighing. He looked back at her, his expression opposite to all the emotion currently locked in his pretty brown eyes. "I wouldn't be able to tell you."

And there, on her bed, when they should have been studying and really, heading down for the dinner Nikki's mother had cooked up, they shared a smile. A sad, but also hopeful smile.

They'd have a future eventually. When, exactly? They wouldn't be able to tell you.

[OoOoOoO]

AN: Hope you enjoyed.

Reviews are my life; don't kill me.


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